Love is a Word He Won't Say
by sinemoras09
Summary: Zabuza navigates a new relationship. Collection of oneshots and drabbles. female Haku x Zabuza. AU.
1. In You I See Stars

_Author's Note: collection of oneshots featuring female Haku x Zabuza. This oneshot was originally published separately, but for the purposes of continuity I've decided to include this as the first chapter. Please note, each chapter is a single oneshot in the same universe._

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He blinked; the image came into focus, darkness edging around the corners of his eyes.

Zabuza coughed, then tried to sit up; a hand pressed against his chest and forced him down. "You're not well," the man said.

Zabuza struggled to focus on the man's face. _A medic nin_, Zabuza thought, dizzily. _But how...?_

His mind skidded to a stop when he remembered Haku lying half-dead on the ground.

"Haku-" Zabuza struggled; the medic-nin shoved him back.

"Easy," the man said. "Take it easy, you're still healing."

"Haku," Zabuza said. His voice was hoarse. He craned his neck, struggling to see. "Haku, Haku, where is he?"

"She's fine," the medic-nin said. "She's resting comfortably. She's quite the resilient young woman. She should be awake, soon."

Zabuza turned his head and saw Haku lying on the bed beside him, his chest rising and falling with the tide of his breath.

"The boy," Zabuza croaked. "What...about...the boy?"

The medic-nin stared.

"There is no boy," the medic-nin said. "Only the young woman is here."

Haku stirred, his eyelids fluttering. The medic-nin frowned and went to his bedside. "She's starting to wake," the medic said. Zabuza watched confused and completely lost as the medic began to press a damp cloth against Haku's forehead.

Zabuza passed out again, the blood loss still too great and the confusion too much to handle.

xXx

.

It was dark when Zabuza woke again, the only light from a single candle flickering in the corner.

Haku's face was pale and feverish; Zabuza could see strands of long damp hair sticking to his forehead. Slowly, Zabuza pushed himself upright, grunting slightly as he stood. "Haku..."

Haku's breathing was shallow, labored; Zabuza could just make out the thin film of sweat on Haku's forehead. He moved closer; Haku moaned, and turned his head. As he did, the opening to his robe fell open, slightly; Zabuza's eyes widened.

Haku had always worn thick robes and thick undergarments before, which obscured the shape of Haku's body. But the robe he was wearing now was thin, little more than a diaphanous gauze clinging to his body.

And Zabuza stared, open-mouthed, at the stiff, pert nipples peaking out from Haku's breasts.

xXx  
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It took a while for Zabuza to get his wits back. Haku moaned again, turning fitfully. Each movement pulled the robe that much tighter around his body, and Zabuza was suddenly privy to every curve, every mound, every rounded softness that Haku had so carefully concealed.

The medic nin stepped up behind him. "She's still feverish," he said. Zabuza gaped at him, unsure of what to say. "The _chidori_ nearly killed her. It will be a while before she heals."

Zabuza nodded, wordlessly. He knelt beside Haku, pressing a hand against his (her) forehead.

"Haku," Zabuza said. And in her fever dream, Haku turned to him and smiled.

xXx

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On the seventh day, Haku woke, sitting upright with difficulty and blinking her eyes.

Zabuza crouched in the corner and glared, unsure of what to say. It was still difficult to process-Haku wasn't a boy. Haku was a woman. A woman who had deceived him for years.

"Zabuza-san," Haku said. There was something on her face, something between fear and relief, and Zabuza was suddenly reminded of _that moment_ on the bridge, where he had crawled beside her body and cradled her face in his hands. "Zabuza-san, you're..."

"Yes," Zabuza said. "We're alive."

Relief flooded the girl's face. She started to smile, but then she stopped. She always knew Zabuza's moods better than Zabuza knew himself. "What's wrong?"

Zabuza grunted. "Nothing." He tried to ignore the little flash of hurt on the girl's face, concentrating instead on the callouses on his hands.

"Have I...have I displeased you?"

Zabuza's head snapped up. Haku was staring at him, eyes wide with hurt and uncertainty. "Idiot, what do you think?" Zabuza said. "My most prized possession, and you go throwing yourself in front of that man's _chidori_. Baka. I have no use for broken tools."

Haku stared, her hands clutched to her lap. "Zabuza-san," she said.

"_Baka_," Zabuza said. Haku hung her head, a tear slipping down her cheek.

Zabuza stood swiftly, his silence serving as a rebuke.

He tried to push away that insane urge to scoop up Haku in his arms.

xXx

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They left the medic-nin's tent in silence. Neither Haku nor Zabuza spoke. Haku followed him, head hung low and wisps of hair falling loosely around her face. She was dressed as a man again, and it was almost easy to forget the body that was covered underneath. They walked for almost a full day before Zabuza spoke.

"Why must you dress like a woman, Haku?"

Haku raised her eyes. "Zabuza-san?"

"That pink robe," Zabuza said. "The way you wear your hair. When you're not in battle you dress much more...effeminate."

"Oh." Haku smiled, her eyes making darling little half moons as she did. "I suppose it is my gentle nature, Zabuza-san."

"Huh."

They walk in silenced. The road stretched toward the east, black shadows falling on the ground. Haku was troubled; Zabuza could see it in her eyes. She glanced up at him once, twice, until finally Zabuza barked, "What is it? Spit it out already."

"I-" Haku jumped. Her hands fluttered nervously about her throat. "Zabuza-san, I..."

A blush crept up her cheeks. Zabuza's eyes narrowed. "What?" Zabuza said. Haku flushed harder.

"I...I was just remembering...that moment on the bridge," Haku said. She glanced back up at him, shyly. Zabuza grunted.

"I was emotional from the blood loss," Zabuza said.

"...Oh. I see."

Zabuza watched silently as Haku tried to swallow the hurt, focusing her eyes on the ground. "Zabuza-san?"

He glared at her harshly. "What?"

"I just..." She hesitated, her voice thick in her throat. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know you have no use for a broken tool."

"Hmph." Zabuza's face was a mask. "We'll see how you'll redeem yourself."

"Yes, Zabuza-san."

They lapsed into silence again, Zabuza watching the haze covering the moon.

xXx

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That night, Zabuza could hear Haku crying.

They were in a wooden lodge, sharing a room because of a lack of money. Zabuza had retired to one corner of the room, turning his back on Haku, who had laid down, silently. Now, in the darkness, he could hear the muffled sounds of Haku crying softly, each jagged breath piercing the night air.

Zabuza moved and lit a lamp.

Haku took a breath; her eyes were red and swollen from crying. Orange light bounced off her pale skin, and pieces of hair stuck to her forehead. Zabuza's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong?" Zabuza said. Haku shook her head.

"Nothing," Haku said. "I'm sorry to have wakened you."

She started to move, pulling her blanket tight around her shoulders, when Zabuza grasped her by the arm.

Haku turned, and in the orange lamplight Zabuza was struck just how small she looked, and delicate. This was his Haku, his weapon, small and frail and tiny as a little bird.

Something in him compelled him to say, "Haku. Take off your robe."

Haku's eyes widened, just a little. She took a step back, clutching her blanket around her. "Why?"

"I want to see your wounds," Zabuza said. He stepped forward. "I want to see the state of my tool." And even in the dim lamplight, Zabuza could see Haku flush.

"You know, something has occurred to me," Zabuza said. He stepped forward, making Haku shrink back. "I've never seen your chest. Most men have no qualms about these things, but I've noticed, you've always been careful never to be shirtless. Why is that?"

"Zabuza-san, please," Haku said. Zabuza stepped closer.

"Take off your robe, Haku," Zabuza said.

"Zabuza..."

"Now."

Haku stared, stricken. Slowly, she shrugged off the blanket; it fell over the crooks of her arms. The blanket fell at her feet. Haku's eyes flicked upward, uncertainly, before she looked down again and started untying her sash. "Zabuza-san," Haku said. One side of the robe fell, baring one perfect bare shoulder. "Please. Forgive me."

The robe fell. Zabuza stared, impassive, as Haku stood naked from the waist up, her chest marred by the ugly burn at the center.

Zabuza stepped forward. Haku flinched. Not more than a finger's breadth away, his hand fell onto the curve of her shoulder, tracing a line down to the perfect mound of her left breast. The edge of his thumb scraped roughly against her nipple and she breathed hard through her nose, cheeks flushed and staring at the ground.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Zabuza said. He kneaded Haku's breast roughly, standing close and making her squirm. "_Why_?"

"Zabuza-san-"

But before Haku can choke out the words, Zabuza crushed her against his arms. He kissed her violently, aggressively, shoving her against the wall. "You are _mine_," Zabuza says. "_My_ tool. _My_ weapon. You had no right to hide this from me."

"I didn't think I would be of any use..." Haku pulled at him desperately, fingers digging into his bicep. "I didn't think a shinobi like you would have any use for a girl..."

"Baka," Zabuza growled, and he shoved her against the ground.

xXx

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The first time was not so much about love as it was claiming his piece, marking his ownership as if he were carving his name. Haku was his. _His_. Didn't stop to think when he tore into her, didn't stop to ask when she cried out in pain. She forced herself to submit, like the way they first trained.

The second time she was lying naked beside him, eyes closed and panting softly. He pressed his hand between her legs, her flesh still sticky and swollen. His thumb ghosted across her clit and she moaned softly, hair damp and stuck to her face as he eased himself inside her.

They shared a kiss that was deeper this time, and it was less about who was using whom.

xXx

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He remembered the time at the bridge; Haku's bruised and battered body flung on the ground, blood seeping through her chest and her face.

Zabuza didn't know then; didn't know who Haku was when he cupped her face and fondled her chin in his hand. He thought about the watery light that poured on them then, and the single tear that slipped down Haku's face.

Now Haku was crying again. "Did I hurt you?" Zabuza said. Haku shook her head, her cheeks red and her arms crossed against her breasts.

"I'm sorry, Zabuza-san," Haku said, and she choked a sob. "It's just...it's just I'm so happy."

"Baka," Zabuza said, and he pulled Haku close, letting her nestle against his chest. "My idiot pupil is always crying."

Haku made a sound, her voice muffled against Zabuza's neck, and he grunted, holding her close. They held each other like that for the rest of the night, Haku crying softly in Zabuza's arms.

xXx

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It rained as they slept, the rain and moonlight making streaks of shadows on the floor. Beside him, Haku stirred, and Zabuza frowned, silently. It was funny, Zabuza thought. How rain and moonlight seemed more personal than tears, more intimate than the naked revelation of two souls converging in the dark.

Naruto was right; Zabuza cared more for his tool than he ever knew. And when she curled herself up against him, he swore to himself that he would never hurt her, he would never use her or abuse her again.

He didn't tell Haku this, of course. He brushed back the hair from her face. There were limits to what a self-respecting man would do.


	2. Love is a word he won't say

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"Nothing changes between us," Zabuza said. He yanked on his boots, making the effort to ignore Haku, who was sitting quietly at the edge of the bed. "You're still my tool. And if I no longer have use for you, I have no qualms about finding another."

It was something he'd always said to Haku, that vague threat that if he (she) didn't live up to his expectations, he would get up and find another pupil more worthy of his time. But this time was different; no sooner did Zabuza mouth those words that Haku seemed to hunch up into herself, the hurt welling up in the corners of her eyes.

Dammit. He didn't really mean it. Now he made Haku cry, which would never have bothered him before, but now that he knew Haku was a woman - and more importantly, a woman he had slept with (although, Zabuza had slept with a fair amount of women without regard to their feelings, but it was _Haku_ for chrissakes) - well, Zabuza had enough common decency to know he should take it back. He moved toward Haku and awkwardly patted him (her) on the head.

"Eh, you're not so useless, you know," Zabuza said. "Even if you were broken, I would still find other uses for you."

He took the opportunity to gently squeeze Haku's breast, which from the looks of it made Haku feel worse.

Obviously he said the wrong thing. _Obviously_.

This was going to take some getting used to.

xXx

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Training also was much more difficult, knowing Haku was a woman. Zabuza didn't know what the hell to do with himself. Did he go easier on Haku, knowing it was during her delicate time of the month? Or did he go harder on her, punishing her for banishing him from her bed? (Well not technically. They still slept beside each other, even if Haku firmly denied him physical relief.) Zabuza opted for the latter, then felt guilty for hurting her; when he eased up, it just made him irritated. "Dammit, Haku, the enemy doesn't care if you're on your period!" It was all too disconcerting, to say the least.

As soon as her time was up, Zabuza took the opportunity to pound her into the floorboards. Just enough to make up for lost time, after all.

xXx  
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Haku was staring at him again. That look of pure, unfettered devotion. Honestly when Zabuza was under the impression that Haku was just a boy, he found it a little strange, but it suited his purposes well enough. The boy idolized him, and in turn he took to his training like an obedient puppy, fiercely loyal to his master.

But now? It overwhelmed him. Zabuza was no fool. He knew he was attached - Haku was his, and there was nothing to change that - but to come face to face with such naked devotion? It made him uneasy. Zabuza turned and sharpened his sword, frowning.

"Zabuza-san?" Haku watched him, quietly. The blasted women read him better now that they were sleeping with each other, and it irritated him to no end. "What is it?"

Zabuza grunted. "You keep staring." He scraped the blade, sharpening it. "You're like a dog, Haku. A dog waiting to be pet. It's embarrassing."

Haku bowed her head. "I'm sorry, Zabuza-san," Haku said, quietly. "I will leave you, if it is what you wish."

She started to leave, but Zabuza caught her hand. "I didn't say you could go," Zabuza said.

Haku flushed. "What will you have me do, Zabuza-san?" she asked.

Zabuza grunted. "Stop staring at me and come here."

Timidly, Haku moved closer, sitting on her knees with her hands tightly clasped on her lap. Zabuza made an irritated sound and abruptly pulled her closer.

"Zabuza-san." Haku's eyes widened; her face was flush against Zabuza's shoulder. Zabuza grunted, satisfied.

"Better." He shifted his body a little, letting her lean more fully against him. Wordlessly, he began sharpening his sword.

xXx

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There wasn't a ninja art Zabuza didn't master. Learning how to make Haku come was no exception.

As it was said before, Zabuza had slept with many women; their pleasure was the least of his concerns. But Haku was his tool, and it was a point of pride that Zabuza be as skilled if not moreso than his idiot apprentice.

And besides: he liked the way Haku's face looked whenever he'd make her come.

xXx

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Sometimes, when Zabuza was inside her, thrusting hard and clutching her close, Haku's mouth would fall open in a soundless moan; her hair would stick to her face and skin and her hands would clutch at his arms, each jagged breath spurring him closer to release. The bridge; Haku's eyes. The single tear that slipped down her face. Zabuza wasn't a man of tender words, but moments like this surely brought him close.

xXx

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"Zabuza-san?" Haku was standing in front of him, fidgeting. "There is something I must tell you."

"What?" Zabuza said. From the way Haku looked, it must have been serious; he tried to hide his alarm under a veneer of irritation. "Well what is it? Spit it out, I haven't got all day."

"I-" Haku hesitated; her cheeks flushed. "Before I tell you, I must apologize," Haku said, softly. "I'm afraid you'll be unhappy with me."

Zabuza's eyes narrowed. "What is it?"

Haku flushed harder. "Zabuza-san. I-" She fiddled with her hands. "I think I may be pregnant."

Zabuza stared. The silence was palpable.

If Zabuza stopped to think about the last few months, he had noticed that Haku had gotten noticeably plumper. Honestly Zabuza had chalked it up to a lack of training - not that he minded, he liked Haku better this way, softer and more feminine than before. And he hadn't mentioned it to Haku either, because secretly he worried Haku would train herself to death again, and when Haku was exhausted, Zabuza felt too guilty to sleep with her at night. Pity was often a motivating force for him.

Haku fidgeted nervously, waiting for a response.

"Can we still have sex?" Zabuza asked. Another point of pride: Haku may have been his tool, but Zabuza would never force her against her will. That was little better than dogs. Haku flushed.

"I don't see why not," Haku said. Her face was red. "At least, during the early stages, anyway."

"Hmph." Zabuza stood. "Well then I don't see it interfering much."

"Zabuza-san?"

"What?"

Haku's hands tightened into fists. "What about the child?"

"What about it?"

"Well-" Haku hesitated. "It would be _our_ child," Haku said, softly. Zabuza rolled his eyes.

"_Yes_, Haku, it would be, and what of it?" Zabuza said. "At least we'll propagate that bloodline limit of yours. I told you I'd still have use for you."

"Yes..." Haku's eyes dimmed. "Goodnight, Zabuza-san."

Zabuza made a sound of irritation (though he was really too stunned to be irritated) and sent Haku on her way.

xXx  
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That night, Zabuza found Haku curled up on the pallet, her back facing him and her knees drawn to her chin. Wordlessly Zabuza laid down next to her, pressing his body against her back. "Zabuza-san?" Her voice was choked.

Zabuza answered by pressing his hand to Haku's belly and pressing his face against Haku's neck. He could hear the hitch in her throat; Haku was going to cry.

"Baka, baka," Zabuza said, and he rolled her over and kissed her, deeply. Haku made a little sound, something between shock and happiness, and Zabuza grunted, satisfied. "Don't think I'm not annoyed," Zabuza said. "Now I can't use you. Not while you're with child."

"I'm sorry, Zabuza-san," Haku said, but Zabuza snaked a hand between Haku's legs, making her bite off a breathy moan. "_Oh._"

"Shh," Zabuza said. He moved lower toward Haku's hips, resting on her knees.

Like wielding a kunai, there were some things he could do with his mouth better than his hands.

xXx  
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Zabuza wasn't perfect. He wasn't gentle and he didn't mince words. Unlike killing, emotions were never easy for him. _This_, though? The way Haku arched her back and her eyelids fluttered, the way her tears still slipped down her face? Touching her was more than enough. Being inside her was more than sufficient.

He laid his palm flat against her belly, stroking sideways.

Zabuza was more of a physical being, anyway.

xXx

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Zabuza had to put his foot down when Haku tried to put on men's clothes again, wrapping her robe around her swollen belly. "Idiot," Zabuza said, and he yanked the robe off. "Don't think I'll let you walk around like that. You're with my child, you'll dress proper, too."

"Yes, Zabuza-san," Haku said. Her hand rested comfortably on her belly.

They didn't have much money, but Zabuza managed to scrounge up enough to get Haku a suitable women's robe; it was a light pink, small red flowers embroidered around the seams. Haku's eyes lit up when she saw it; she practically mowed Zabuza over when she hugged him. Pregnancy, as it turned out, pretty much wrecked Haku's normal self-restraint. "You make me so happy," Haku said.

Zabuza grunted. He tossed the robe to her. "Wear that from now on."

xXx

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The birth did not go nearly as smoothly as Zabuza would have hoped.

In the medic-nin's tent, the room smelled of sloppy murder and bright copper pennies, but Haku was fine, and resting quietly. Zabuza made his way toward her, wordless and worried. But she was resting now, a small smile on her face. The child was swaddled next to her, delicate as a little bird.

The world was not fit for this child. He was a missing-nin; Haku was little better. They had no village they could call home...

Haku seemed to read what was on his face, because she shifted slightly and squeezed Zabuza's hand. "Would you like to hold him?"

"Not really," Zabuza said, but Haku pushed the thing into his arms.

xXx

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So. Zabuza stared at the thing, which had yawned and snuggled against his chest. That squirmy pound of baby flesh was his. Hmph. Zabuza touch its face; its skin was soft as peach fuzz. Even if it didn't have Haku's bloodline limit, he was still Zabuza's son; Zabuza had many excellent traits he could have passed on as well.

If Zabuza were a lesser man, he would have cried. Instead, Zabuza grunted in approval.

xXx

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When had Zabuza gone soft? He thought back to that time at the bridge, but no, that wasn't it.

He tried to put a finger on it, but no one memory stood out for him; he treated Haku pretty much the same, just someone useful enough to keep around, but during that time, she had become..._precious_...to him. Not that she wasn't precious before, she was a precious weapon with a precious bloodline and a precious ability that would help him take over the Hidden Mist, if he saw fit. But this was different. He didn't like Haku getting hurt. He loathed to send her into battle, moreso that she was with child.

And now? With her sitting by the fire, the firelight glancing off her skin and the child in her arms? If Zabuza weren't a self-respecting man, he would have felt something like pride, or heartache, or _something_ swelling in his chest. But it was Zabuza, so naturally he chalked it up to indigestion.

xXx

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Haku was picking herbs again; it was a task Zabuza largely ignored, but the alternative was leaving him alone with a squirming child, and though Haku insisted she could just take the child with her, Zabuza would have none of that. With a child, Haku would not be able to maneuver nearly as well if she were under attack. Better Zabuza be there, just in case.

So now Zabuza was squatting in the dirt, watching irritated as Haku picked her herbs, smiling a little smile and playing with the birds landing around her.

"Tch. So this is how you waste your time," Zabuza said. The baby cooed. Had this become his life?

"Zabuza-san, allow me," Haku said, and she picked up the rolly polly thing and sat it squarely in her lap. The baby gurgled. Zabuza grunted, annoyed.

"Haku, just how am I going to take over the Hidden Mist when you're over there, playing Snow White and doting on that child?"

Haku smiled. (That was another thing; she stopped responding to his threats. Another thing that irritated him.) "You are irritable this morning," Haku said, mildly.

Zabuza grunted. "I liked it better when you were a boy," Zabuza said.

"Really?" Haku said. She took it as an opportunity to cozy up against him, wrapping her arms around Zabuza's waist.

"Yes," Zabuza said. "Dammit, Haku, stop it, I'm trying to talk."

"Mm," Haku said.

"I'm your master," Zabuza said.

"Yes, Zabuza-san," Haku said. The baby gurgled; Haku giggled.

"If you're of no use to me, I _will_ find another," Zabuza said.

"He wouldn't do that," Haku said to the baby. The baby cooed. Zabuza glared.

Dammit. Dammit all to hell.

xXx

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It occurred to Zabuza that having a baby must have liquefied Haku's brain. There was certainly enough blood loss, and the trauma of giving birth must have been enough to send Haku flying over the edge.

He was Zabuza, the Demon from the Mist. He thirsted for blood and death and the smell of bodies falling around him.

"I've been domesticated," Zabuza said. "How the hell did that happen?"

It was a question to which Zabuza had no answer.

xXx

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The worst insult of it all was when his village's hunter-nin caught up to him. The masked man sheathed his sword, stepping back.

Zabuza gritted his teeth. "Well?"

"I'm not going to fight you," the hunter-nin said. Zabuza stared. "I will let our elders know you are no longer a threat. Congratulations on your family."

"I-" Zabuza blinked. "I'm the Demon Monster from the Bloody Mist. How could you not say I'm not a threat?"

The hunter-nin shrugged. "We will check up on you from time to time. Until then, farewell."

The hunter-nin disappeared in a swirl of smoke.

Zabuza would have rather been killed.

xXx

.

"You could see this as an opportunity," Haku said.

Zabuza was sitting at the table, utterly depressed, with the toddler gnawing at his leg and Haku swollen with their second child. "Zabuza-san. They aren't expecting you anymore. They're lowering their defenses. It will be easier to take over this way," Haku said.

Zabuza lifted his eyes. Haku was right. With the Hidden Mist underestimating him-well wasn't that when men won battles?

xXx

.

They were outside in the snow collecting firewood when the little brat made a noise. Zabuza glanced down. The kid was manipulating a little bubble of water in his hands. "Haku, look," Zabuza said.

Haku cried out, then hugged the boy, tight. Tears were in her eyes. "I'm not the last," she said. She hugged the boy tight. "I'm not the last."

"Tch," Zabuza said. He stood next to her and poked her belly with his foot. "He won't be the last either, from the looks of it."

Something like pride swelled in him then; he hefted the firewood over his shoulder and went inside, letting Haku and the child play in the snow.

xXx

.

They woke to the sound of arrows being shot at their home.

Zabuza jumped up, seeing flames surrounding them. Through the smoke, he could just barely make out the coterie of hunter nins at the periphery, their masks wavering through the flames.

He grabbed Haku by the arm and yanked her forward, throwing the child over his back. But Haku was pregnant; she couldn't move nearly as fast. She stumbled, pitching forward.

Zabuza jumped in front of her, his sword smashing into the hunter-nin's arm. More arrows flew, and Zabuza pushed Haku to the ground. "Go, go!" Zabuza said. Haku's face was stricken. She hesitated a moment, then grabbed the child and ran.

More arrows slammed into his chest and back. It was like the bridge again, but worse; the arrow tips were tipped with poison.

"Zabuza-san!"

Zabuza's vision blurred. _Haku you baka, go._

xXx

.

Zabuza wasn't sure if this was heaven, but as he stared down at Haku, sobbing and clutching at his body, he ignored the urge that compelled him to float upwards; instead he lingered by Haku's side, making sure she was okay.

She was smart enough and swift enough to leave before the hunter-nin came to destroy his body. Zabuza had trained her well.

xXx

.

Was this the afterlife? Forever watching and worrying, with nothing else in-between?

Zabuza watched, haunted as Haku journeyed, the child by her side and eight months' swollen. A pregnant woman and child were prime targets for thieves, but even in her state, Haku could fend them off, easily. It wasn't until she reached the gates of Konoha that Zabuza felt himself being tugged upwards, rims of white clouding his vision.

He recognized the pink-haired girl; she was all grown up. And from the looks of things, she knew exactly what to do with a pregnant girl.

That was when his consciousness finally began to ebb away.


	3. Dress like a boy NC17

_Author's notes: from now on, these oneshots will take place within the context of **Love is a Word He Won't Say**_. _Nothing's in chronological order; this is written mostly to amuse myself :)_

* * *

.

Early morning. Zabuza opened his eyes to see Haku slip quietly out of bed. He could see the slight curve of her back, and how her hair fell in messy tangles across her shoulders. She moved quietly by the window, and Zabuza's eyes widened a little as the pale morning light backlit her skin.

How the _fuck_ did he not realize Haku was a woman? Zabuza glared, then rolled over, irritated.

"Zabuza-san?"

Zabuza turned. Haku was bending over him, pressing a robe to her breasts. "Is something wrong?" Haku asked. Zabuza glared.

"Come closer," Zabuza said. "No, _closer_." Timidly, Haku climbed back into the bed, still clutching the robe and her hair falling over her breasts. Roughly, Zabuza pushed back the robe.

"Shit," Zabuza said. He stared at Haku's breasts, then at Haku. "How the fuck did I not notice these?"

"Oh..." Haku blushed. "I used to bind my breasts, Zabuza-san."

"When?"

"When you were asleep." Haku delicately rearranged her robe, pulling the sides demurely over her chest. "I was very careful."

"Huh." Zabuza's eyes narrowed. Haku smiled and dropped a small kiss on his cheek.

Things only got worse from there.

At the market, Zabuza watched moodily as Haku obliviously walked ahead of him, smiling and clutching her little basket of vegetables in her hand. She was dressed in that pink robe of hers,and Zabuza did _not_ like the way her breasts seemed to burst out from that top. The fabric of her robe pulled and tugged across Haku's hips, and..._fuck_, was she _swaying_?

"Haku."

Haku turned. "Yes, Zabuza-san?"

"Shit, Haku, give me that." He snatched Haku's basket, glaring. "What the fuck are you trying to do, give everyone a free show?"

Haku blinked. "I do not understand," Haku said.

"Idiot," Zabuza said. He threw his jacket over her, glaring. Haku smiled serenely; and fuck if Haku didn't look absolutely adorable swimming in his oversized man's jacket, so much so that the perverts and the losers began to stare at her even _more_. And fuck if Zabuza didn't pull out his sword, giving everyone menacing looks and silently telling them to _shut the fuck up and move the fuck on_, otherwise things could get messy from here.

xXx

.

It took three more trips to the market and several half-drunken assholes hooting and high fiving amongst themselves before Zabuza came to a decision.

"Haku," Zabuza said. "I want you to dress like a boy."

Haku looked confused. "Zabuza-san?"

Zabuza glared, rubbing his neck. He had pulled a muscle beating the shit out of some asshole who was making cow eyes over Haku's butt. He wasn't even getting paid. The shit had to stop, now.

"Just do as I say," Zabuza said. "You're a woman, Haku. You were safer when they thought you were some snot-nosed kid."

"Zabuza-san, that is ridiculous. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself." Haku turned, smiling a little and doing the dishes. Zabuza grabbed her by the arm.

"And what if someone grabs a hold of you, huh? What do you do then?" He forced Haku forward, twisting her arm behind her back. "Your speed means nothing if you're caught, do you hear me?"

"Yes, Zabuza-san." Haku wheezed. "_Ow_."

"Yeah, that's right," Zabuza said. "What if it's one of those fuckers at the market? When you were a boy, all they'd want is to slit your throat. But _now_," and he wrenched her arm back, making Haku cry out. "Now they could rape you, too."

"I could still make hand seals." The woman was infuriating. "I don't need both my hands, therefore-"

Zabuza shoved her across the counter, wrenching her arm back and shoving his knee between her legs. "And if both your hands are tied?" Zabuza said. "Those men out there are stronger than you. Bigger than you. And you think you can beat them?"

His voice was low. He breathed against her neck. "Haku. If you can fend me off, then you'll have convinced me you can take care of yourself. But right now I could snap your neck if I wanted to."

"Zabuza-san." Haku pushed up against him, then flushed.

"I apologize," Haku said, softly. "I am too aroused."

"Idiot," Zabuza said, and he pushed Haku down. She looked disappointed, which irritated him.

"Just do as I say," Zabuza said, and he turned and slammed the door.

xXx

.

Haku began to bind her breasts. Zabuza watched, awestruck, as she tugged the hard canvas bindings across her skin, pulling tighter and tighter until any semblance of womanhood was erased.

Haku had taken the order surprisingly well. Zabuza was expecting her to cry, or at the very least stare at him with that hurt, wounded puppy look that made him feel bad and pissed off at the same time. But Haku seemed fine. In fact, she was humming a little bit. Zabuza stared.

"What the fuck are you so chipper about?" Zabuza said. Haku smiled.

"Because Zabuza-san cares for my wellbeing," Haku said. She stood and pulled the green boy's robe around her. He could still make out the curve of her waist and hips, but then Haku pulled around the sash once, twice, three times, padding out her waist until it was as straight and narrow as any boy's. "You do not wish to see me hurt."

"I don't _wish_to get in any fucking bar fights, shut up," Zabuza said. Haku smiled.

Zabuza watched as Haku padded around the room; a few hundred layers of fabric covering her body. That Haku could move around in _that_? With chest bindings and waist padding and everything in-between?

Zabuza didn't even like wearing shirts, they restricted his movement too much. Zabuza was impressed.

And so it was Haku started dressing as a boy again, which made the sex all the more interesting. Zabuza tore into her layers and layers like a kid under a Christmas tree, and Haku shrieked and laughed and flushed a bright red, and there was just something so deliciously satisfying as seeing her breasts come free from her bindings.

He fucked her hard, bent over the corner of the table where they were to eat. Occasionally, Haku would struggle and try to flip him over, but that only served to make him fuck her harder. "You think you can stop this?" Zabuza said, and Haku would thrash and scream and moan into the pillow until Zabuza was satisfied.

"Zabuza-san?"

"Mm?"

Haku cuddled up against him, long dark hair sticky against his skin. "I came," Haku said.

"So?"

"I came twice," Haku whispered. She was red. Zabuza turned and felt her leaning over him, her breasts brushing against his bare chest. She dipped her head low and began to kiss his chest. Zabuza shifted, glaring.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Zabuza said, but Haku smiled against his chest. Her lips were soft, and she dropped small kisses against his sternum. "Haku-"

She climbed on top of him, dark hair falling over her like a black curtain. "Zabuza-san-"

"Haku, I'm trying to sleep."

"Yes, Zabuza-san."

But the damned woman leaned over him again, and Zabuza groaned a little when he felt her nip at his skin. "Haku, _fuck_. Stop it."

But he was hard and he was pressed right up against her cunt, and fuck if Haku didn't rub herself all over him. "Shit," Zabuza said. Haku smiled, and looked so fucking demure when she lowered herself on him.

"_Oh_," Haku said, and began to rock.

If it were another woman, Zabuza would have thrown her out of the bed by now. If it were a man, Zabuza would have no qualms breaking his neck as a matter of course. But it was goddamn _Haku_and Haku was moaning and making those soft, almost desperate sounds of hers, and Zabuza found himself straining under her weight.

"Dammit, Haku," Zabuza said. He groaned. "_Fuck_."

Haku groaned and leaned forward, balancing her arms on his chest as she rocked. Her hips slapped against his, the wet, slick sounds of skin smacking skin filling the small room.

Somehow, Zabuza's mind snapped back to a moment in their past; how he used to bring home alleyway sluts and common whores to satisfy his baser needs. He remembered that sullen, silent look on Haku's face whenever he'd bring back one of those bitches home, watching them with quiet loathing. At the time, Zabuza assumed the kid had some righteous moral bullshit reasons against sleeping with prostitutes, but now he understood.

Haku's knees slipped, the sheets rustling with her movements. With each downward stroke she let out a low, needy moan, hair falling over her face and her hands gripping his shoulders. Zabuza's own hands have slipped around Haku's waist, helping her balance on top of him. None of those farm sluts could hold a candle to the way Haku's fucking him now, how her small hands would slide against his chest or how her mouth would suck at his skin, and fuck if Zabuza knew how Haku came to figure out that he fucking _loves_it when she trails her tongue against the side of his neck, kitten-licking his skin like a fucking professional.

Haku leaned forward as she rocked, so much so that her breasts were within spitting distance of Zabuza's face. He reached up and grabbed her breast with one hand, kneading it roughly while his thumb scraped the jagged edge of her scar.

The scar. Zabuza forced his eyes away, concentrating on the tender pebbled nipple, how she let out a half-choked moan when he rolled it in his mouth.

"Zabuza-san." Haku's face was flushed. She panted, rocking harder. "Zabuza-san, I'm close." She groaned, pussy tightening on the downstroke. "I'm really close."

"Shit," Zabuza said. His toes were curling. Haku rocked faster, balancing on his chest. "I'm coming," Haku said. "I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm-"

She came. He felt her spasm wetly around him, the rest of her body jerking with the contractions of her orgasm. Haku shuddered and panted through the last waves of her orgasm, and it was only until her body was limp and she fell loose-limbed on top of him that Zabuza rolled her over and pounded the fuck out of her, too.

When Zabuza came, Haku's mouth was slack; he felt the tiny shudders of a second orgasm rocking through her.

As his heartbeat slowed and his breath back to baseline, Zabuza felt Haku shifting and leaving small, soft kisses at the side of his neck. Well. Zabuza didn't have the energy to tell Haku how fucking irritating it was. Not that they didn't make him feel warm and melty-like, like some pansy-ass civilian in a romance novel or something. But it was the principle of the thing.

The kisses stopped, and Zabuza didn't have to turn to know Haku had fallen asleep; he could feel her smiling against his skin.

"About fucking time," Zabuza said, and he rearranged Haku against his chest and closed his eyes.

xXx

.

Night time. Zabuza had been asleep, but years of training made alerted him to the smallest sound, the slightest movement. He felt Haku shift, and he relaxed, realizing it wasn't hunter nin or enemy shinobi, but Haku. He gave no indication he was awake. The little moron would talk his ear off if she knew.

He felt Haku press her lips against his bare shoulder, then settle against his back. She was spooning him from behind; honestly, if it had been any other woman, he would have kicked them out of his bed a long time ago. He was perfectly still, hoping she would stop whatever the fuck it was she was doing and go to sleep. But he felt her small hands curl over his waist, felt her cheek press against his back.

"Zabuza-san," she said, and her voice was soft, the barest whisper. "I love you."

Zabuza kept his eyes trained on the wall. Outside, there were the soft night sounds of insects in the grass; a breeze stirred, and through the window opposite them he could just make out the soft haze of moonlight dusting the trees. Behind him, Haku sighed, and he felt her small body settle against his back.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this," Haku said. "But it is the truth. And it is always something nice to say."

Zabuza said nothing. He felt Haku's fingers lightly brushing back his hair.

"I am one who was unwanted," Haku said. "But now I will be by your side. I am thankful I am of use to you. In more ways than one."

The sheets rustled, and Zabuza felt her drape her arm across his waist. She hitched herself close, her body pressed against his back. And then...

He heard it: soft, sniffling sounds. Haku was crying.

Oh, this would not do.

"What's wrong?" Zabuza said. Haku pulled back, surprised.

"Zabuza-san. I...I thought you were asleep."

"You woke me up," Zabuza said. "Why the fuck are you crying?"

"I'm not..." Haku's eyes dimmed. Her face crumbled.

"You're crying," Zabuza said, maybe not as gently as he would have liked, but gentle enough that Haku seemed surprised. "This isn't because of what you said, right? Because it's pretty fucking obvious that I love you too, otherwise I wouldn't put up with this shit."

Haku's eyes widened. "Zabuza-san?"

"Idiot," Zabuza said, and he rolled his back to her. "I'm not repeating myself. Go to sleep."

"Yes, Zabuza-san."

He felt her cuddle up against his back again. A moment passed before Zabuza matter-of-factly rolled over and pulled her to his chest, then pressed a small kiss against her brow.

xXx

.

The problem, Zabuza found, with Haku dressing like a boy was that the kid had no concept of keeping shit in your pants. They walked down the market, Zabuza sullen and irritated as Haku smiled obliviously and pressed her hand to the small of his back.

"Dammit, Haku, stop that. People are starting to stare."

Haku's hand had wormed its way into Zabuza's back pocket. Zabuza all but smacked Haku's hand away. Haku smiled, her eyes making darling little half moons as onlookers stood and stared.

"Tch," Zabuza said, and he grabbed Haku's hand. The girl blushed.

"Don't tell me this was part of the plan," Zabuza said.

The onlookers were positively scandalized when Haku reached up on tip-toe and planted a quick kiss on Zabuza's cheek, then all but plastered herself to his side.

"Oi," Zabuza said. The market women stared at them, Haku smiling obliviously.

The next day, Zabuza threw out Haku's old clothes, glaring sullenly as Haku watched him with a suspicious air of victory, as she tied on her kimono.


	4. We play pretend NC17

_Author's note: takes place before the events of **In You I See Stars**. I was interested in Haku's interactions with Zabuza and how she would conceal the fact that she's female. Lots of time-skips in this one. _

* * *

.

"Here," Zabuza said, and he tossed Haku his sword.

Haku caught it, but the blade was heavy, the weight of it throwing her off balance. She hoisted the sword upright, but stumbled, her center of balance pitching forward. Zabuza glared.

"Useless," Zabuza said. He yanked the sword away. "What good is my idiot apprentice if he cannot even lift a sword?"

"Zabuza-san, forgive me," Haku said. She knelt forward, staring at the ground. "I swear to you I will atone for my uselessness."

"Hmph." Zabuza glared.

xXx

.

Early morning. Zabuza was drunk again, and sleeping off the night's debauchery on the flimsy straw mattress at the corner of the room. Carefully, Haku rose and lit a candle, making sure to shut the door quietly behind her.

It was not quite dawn; she could hear the soft sounds of birds chirping, the early morning sounds of grass stirring in the breeze. Quietly, Haku set down the candle and pulled up the thick canvas shirt she had worn the night before; tossing it to the side, she picked up the stiff bindings Zabuza used to bind his shins and knuckles and slowly, methodically, began to bind her breasts. It was a painful process; with every pass, she tugged the bandages harder, wincing slightly as she ironed herself flat. Turning to the side, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror; breast buds which threatened to expose her deception were now conveniently hidden, and Haku pulled her shirt back on, satisfied.

Returning to the room, Haku stopped and paused at the doorway, reflecting silently on Zabuza's sleeping form. The night before had been hot, and Zabuza had fallen asleep shirtless. In the watery half-light, Haku could see the scars criss-crossing the span of Zabuza's body; suddenly she had the urge to run her tongue over each jagged mark, but Haku pushed that back down into herself. She flushed, then quietly closed the door.

xXx

.

"You like it rough, don't you?"

The woman's face was caked with make-up; Zabuza grunted, then tossed her the coins.

"Shut up," Zabuza said. "I'm not paying you to talk."

The woman shrieked, Zabuza pushing her against the wall.

Through the crack in the door, Haku watched them, darkly. As usual, Zabuza was too preoccupied with the prostitute to notice. She watched as the prostitute's hands pressed flat against the tan skin of Zabuza's back, watched how the muscles of his arms and back moved and flexed as he worked her. Hot, wet sounds of flesh slapping against flesh filled the air.

Haku has watched the parade of Zabuza's lovers with quiet loathing; women in brothels and alleyways, cheap and smelling of sweat and cigarettes. They changed towns as often as they changed clothes, and each time, Zabuza prowled the night to satisfy his baser urges, needing to sample what that city had to offer.

Sharp, punctuated gasps moving in time to Zabuza's thrusts, and Haku curled up on her cot, trying to ignore them. Sex was rough and sex was hard, and Haku pressed her thighs together, instinctively. Almost reflexively, her mind swept back to the perfect line of Zabuza's body, at the muscled flanks and back and at his nakedness, which Haku has seen without Zabuza's knowledge. Moaning slightly, Haku pressed the flat ridge of her pelvis against the mattress, breathing hard and listening as Zabuza fucked the prostitute in the other room.

She started to touch herself; without realizing it, she had began to moan softly, the pads of her fingers pressing furtively against her clitoris. Zabuza pounded the woman next door, and Haku moved her fingers in time with his thrusts.

The door swung open. Haku jerked back, but Zabuza barreled after her, grabbing her by the arm and slamming her against the mattress.

"Hey!" the prostitute clutched her clothes. "What the _fuck _is going on?"

"The little pervert's peeping on us." Zabuza yanked Haku forward. "You do that again and I'll _kill_ you, do you hear me?"

"Zabuza-san, Zabuza-san, forgive me..."

"Idiot!" Zabuza said, and he punched the headboard, just above her head.

"Oi," the hooker said. "I'm taking my money." Zabuza ignored her as she threw on her things and slammed the door.

Humiliation. It settled painfully on her chest. She loved him and she wanted him but it could never be, he could never want her. Not like this.

Haku began to cry.

There was a long, awkward moment when Zabuza just stood and stared at her, curled up on the pallet and sobbing like a child. Her shoulders shook. Big fat tears rolled down the sides of her face, which was red and blotchy, and she sniffed back inelegant gobs of mucous, wiping her nose miserably. Silently, Zabuza sat down beside her, the bed caving in with his weight.

"Oi," Zabuza said. "Kid."

Haku looked up. Zabuza wasn't looking at her; his eyes were focused at the door.

Zabuza glared, then rubbed his neck, hard.

"Wipe your hands, first," Zabuza said. He tossed Haku a rag. She reddened, wiping her hands ashamed. "Shit," Zabuza said. Haku stared at the floor, little sobs still at the back of her throat, while Zabuza seemed to count the floorboards, as if deciding what to say.

"I should have let you have a go at her," Zabuza said, finally. "At least you won't be jerking off to another man's sloppy seconds." He rubbed his neck again, as if embarrassed, slightly. "I used to do it too, when I was a kid," Zabuza said. "It's probably why I can hold my sword."

Haku swallowed, miserably. Zabuza glared.

"I should get you one," Zabuza said.

I-what?" Haku's eyes widened. Zabuza adjusted his mask.

"A whore," Zabuza said. "You're at that age, right?"

Haku stared. Her mouth was dry. Zabuza seemed to itch uncomfortably.

"We'll get you one tomorrow," Zabuza said. He looked out again, as if searching for his words. "It's the least that I could do."

xXx

.

"You want me to _what?_" the prostitute said. "_Him_? His voice hasn't even broke, yet."

"Oi, you fucking cunt, don't you _ever_insult that kid! Not if you like what I'm paying you."

Haku sank further into the background, mortified, as Zabuza continued negotiations. For Zabuza, negotiations were like sex: hard and fast and unrelenting, and pretty soon the prostitute acquiesced.

"You'd better be nice to him," Zabuza said. "Or else I'll cut your fucking throat."

Haku spent the night panicking. Panicking and pacing, the bindings around her chest so tight she couldn't breathe. The door opened and the prostitute stared, crossing her arms moodily before sitting on the bed.

"Haku, I'm leaving," Zabuza said. "Fuck her hard, you hear me?"

"Yes, Zabuza-san." Haku flushed. Zabuza closed the door.

In their room, Haku fidgeted nervously as the prostitute stared at her, a bored expression on her face. "Can you even get it up?" the prostitute said.

Two needles to the neck later, Haku bodily hoisted the prostitute's body and gently laid her out on the couch. She would wake in a few hours; no harm no foul, Haku mused.

xXx

.

When Haku menstruated, she made sure to hide the evidence before Zabuza could catch wind of her condition. But Zabuza had a nose for blood; he sniffed the air, then glared.

"Haku," Zabuza said. "Are you injured?"

"What? No, Zabuza-san. You are mistaken," Haku said. Zabuza narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, suspiciously.

Haku had never been caught. Not really. Zabuza never thought too deeply about these things, as Haku had no reason to lie.

xXx

.

Haku's head slammed back against the cold wooden floorboards, making a sickening crack as Zabuza's strong arms roughly pushed her down. He was kissing her, his mouth hot and wet and Haku's hand fluttering upward, her breath pushed up from her lungs as her legs were roughly jack-knifed open.

"Zabuza-san." Her breath sounded jagged in her ears. "Zabuza-san, please-"

They grappled, her hands on his belt buckle, the sound of the metal clasp coming undone. His pants tugged roughly off, hands reaching beneath her robe and-

He was inside her. One harsh thrust, pain lancing through her like a knife. Haku squeezed her eyes because she wanted this, wanted this more than anything. The pain seared her but she was no stranger to it, is no stranger to the feel of a kunai sinking into her flesh, no stranger to the searing sting of senbon ripping through her skin. Zabuza thrust and his hands dug into the sides of her arms, hard enough to bruise, and Haku squeezed her eyes, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

And then it was over. Zabuza breathed hard, hair stuck to the fine sheen of sweat on his forehead, and she could feel the gentle pulsation of him coming inside her. Somehow, this made her cry even harder.

"Haku." Zabuza eased his weight off her, and Haku was surprised to see the worry in his eyes. "I hurt you."

"No. I am fine." Haku's voice was thin. Zabuza shook his head.

"This will not do," he said, and Haku felt his hand gently stroke her leg. In the dim light, Haku could see the thin smear of blood on the inside of her thighs, and was only moderately surprised when Zabuza gently probed the swollen flesh around her entrance. She winced slightly. Slowly, Zabuza withdrew his hand, then wet his finger with his mouth.

Haku's mouth went dry. She watched, amazed, as Zabuza looked at her with an intensity that makes her shake, then pressed the wet pads of his fingers on her clitoris. Haku sighed, and her head rolled back. His eyes never leaving hers, staring intently as he rubbed her, moving his fingers with firm strokes.

"Z-Zabuza...san. _Oh_."

She came suddenly, the strength of her orgasm surprising them both.

Her breathing slowed, as did the thunder of her heartbeat in her ears. Zabuza was still watching her, his eyes glittering in the dark.

xXx

.

Haku remembered the first time they trained. How afterward her muscles ached, and she lacked the strength to barely stand.

He slammed her forward against the table, her body caving over the table's edge as he took her from behind. It didn't hurt anymore, but Haku knew she had no right to anything less. His body covered her back and she felt his cheek flush against her skin. She was Zabuza's tool. She liked how he treated her like she was unbreakable.

Now he grabbed her roughly by the hips, forcibly turning her body so that she was facing him. Haku moaned, her bare foot planted against his chest. The friction, his cock thick and thrusting hard inside her, made her weak in the knees. Haku moaned, and her hand gripped the muscle of his bicep. The muscle was hard and taut and Haku marveled that this man was inside her, that this man wanted her, was pulling her close and striving toward release.

This time, she came unprompted, the friction from his pelvis against her clit sending her over the edge. It wasn't long before he came too, and he all but collapsed on top of her on the table.

xXx

.

Sometimes she thought about it. How her father had killed her mother. They were supposed to love each other. How could that have changed?

"Your father was a fucking coward," Zabuza said. "If he were alive I would have slit his fucking throat."

He didn't say anything more, then, just bent over and started sharpening his sword. Haku stared at her hands, which were clenched in her lap. People were meant to be used. They were meant to be thrown away. She blinked, a tear starting to slip, when Zabuza moved and wordlessly pulled her close.

"Idiot," Zabuza said. "Don't cry. It's annoying."

She sniffed pathetically and he brushed back a strand of hair from her face. They didn't say anything then, Haku wiping back tears and Zabuza sitting silently next to her.

xXx

.

At the tavern, Haku held back as Zabuza spoke to the innkeeper, counting out money and reserving a room. "For you and your wife?" the innkeeper said, and Zabuza grunted out a short, "Yeah," before Haku could say anything.

"Wife?" Haku watched as Zabuza set down his pack, the sword gleaming dimly in the halflight. "Zabuza-san. We are not married."

Zabuza snorted, annoyed. "You nag me like we are. What's the goddamn deal?"

Happiness. It tugged at the corners of her mouth. Quickly Haku stepped forward and kissed him on the side of his cheek.

"O-oi. What was that for?"

"Nothing," Haku said. "I am just very happy."

"Well good," Zabuza said. "So long as you'll shut up about it."

And beneath the mask, Haku could see him smile.


	5. flashbacks about a sword

.

_._

_"Haku," Zabuza said. "I'm giving you my sword."_

_Haku blinked. "Zabuza-san?"_

_Zabuza rolled his eyes. "My sword, Haku," Zabuza said. "When I die I want you to take it."_

_Haku stared._

_Maybe this wasn't the best idea, after all._

_xXx_

_._

_The Seven Great Swords of the Hidden Mist were passed down generation to generation, the greatest swordsmen of that time each possessing a sword. If Zabuza wasn't a missing nin, he would be grooming the next would-be swordsman to take over when he died. Of course, he'd also be sleeping a lot less well, since that would-be swordsman would probably be trying to kill him in his sleep. These things were to be expected, of course._

_"Pick it up," Zabuza said. A bead of sweat formed on Haku's forehead. Clumsily, the kid raised the sword and swung, only to pitch forward with the sword's weight. Zabuza grunted._

_"Again," Zabuza said._

_Training Haku proved to be less than fruitful. The kid had speed and precision but no upper body strength to speak of: Zabuza watched stonily as the kid burst into a run and raised his sword, only to lose his balance and pitch backward, blade first. Zabuza glared._

_"Idiot," Zabuza said. He pushed the kid onto the ground. "Give me twenty," Zabuza said. "Even a fucking baby can do twenty."_

_Haku started doing push-ups. Once. Twice. Zabuza's eyes narrowed as the kid's elbows began to shake._

_Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe Zabuza should've waited until the kid hit puberty, but the kid was already fucking fifteen, and his voice hasn't even broke yet. Zabuza was impatient. Maybe a kick in the ass was all Haku needed to become a man._

_"Enough," Zabuza said. "Watching you is making my head hurt."_

_"Forgive me, Zabuza-san."_

_Zabuza yanked his sword back and walked out from the field._

_xXx_

_._

_Haku was polishing his senbon when Zabuza kicked two buckets in front of him._

_"Zabuza-san?"_

_"Fill those with water and come with me," Zabuza said. Haku smiled and trotted happily after him, the buckets thudding softly against Haku's side._

_At the creek, Haku filled the buckets to the brim and glanced back up at Zabuza. Zabuza glared._

_"Bring those over here," Zabuza said. "Don't set them down. Now hold your arms out-"_

_"Zabuza-san?"_

_"You're weak," Zabuza said. "Speed doesn't count for shit if you're caught. Now hold your fucking arms out and don't let those buckets drop."_

_Haku held out his arms; the buckets were perfectly parallel to the ground. Zabuza grunted, satisfied. He turned to leave._

_"Zabuza-san?"_

_Zabuza turned. Haku's arms were already starting to shake. "How long am I to hold them?" Haku said._

_"Until I get bored," Zabuza said. "I'm getting food. And if you fucking let those buckets drop I'll know about it, got it?"_

_"Yes, Zabuza-san."_

_Zabuza walked away._

xXx

.

_That night, Zabuza sharpened his blade and watched with narrow eyes as Haku performed a simple water jutsu and began to ice his arms. The ice apparently was too heavy to pick up, at least in Haku's state, so Haku was using his special ability to levitate it and hold it to his shoulders._

_"You gonna complain?" Zabuza said._

_"No, Zabuza-san," Haku said. "You are training me to make me stronger."_

_"Hmph," Zabuza said. Strangely he wasn't as irritated as he expected himself to be. He watched, eyes narrowed, as Haku bent forward, strands of hair falling loosely over his face and shoulders. What would Haku look like after he hit puberty? Zabuza squinted, trying to imagine. The long line of Haku's neck, the delicate bumps on his spine: Zabuza frowned and tried to imagine those muscles thicker and more heavy._

_"Zabuza-san?" Haku moved to meet his eyes. "What's wrong?"_

_"You need to fill out," Zabuza said. Haku blushed (goddamn stupid girly blush) and pushed back a strand of hair behind his ear._

_"Shit," Zabuza said. Haku flushed and smiled._

xXx

.

"Zabuza-san!"

Large waves of water slashed against them, the thunderclap of the storm crashing the sky. Zabuza was injured and his sword flung back. Enemy nin approached.

He couldn't see, the blood was gushing from his wounds and the edges around his vision clouded and blurred. Flash. Haku rushing forward, hair whipping around her face as she grabbed his sword. Flash. Haku swinging hard, the perfect arc of it slicing through the enemy's gut. Blood oozed black and mixed with the rainwater on the ground.

"Haku..."

Haku smiled, face smudged with dirt and hoisting Zabuza up over her shoulder.

"Haku...how the hell did you do that?"

"Do what, Zabuza-san?" Haku asked. She dragged him halfway up the hill before hefting his body against the trunk of a large tree, shielding them from the storm.

"The sword. Shit. I thought you couldn't hold it before..."

"You were in danger." Haku neatly pulled back Zabuza's shirt, then methodically began cleaning his wounds. "You are my precious person, Zabuza-san. Knowing that makes me stronger."

Goddamn stupid woman. It was like the bridge all over again. Zabuza was pissed, but her hands were soft and he was woozy from losing too much blood, so he let it go for now.


	6. Kimono

.

.

Zabuza was getting irritated. She had been behind the screen for almost a fucking hour. "Haku," Zabuza said. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Forgive me, Zabuza-san." Her voice floated out from behind the silk screen. "I haven't quite figured out how to wrap this."

Zabuza rolled his eyes and sat heavily on the bed. Haku had all but begged him to take out her to see the cherry blossoms. "It is a festival," Haku had said. "They light the lanterns at dusk and families walk out to the shore." She had sounded so wistful and sad it made Zabuza's head hurt.

"Fine," Zabuza had snapped. "Just shut up about it already, fuck."

Zabuza was a sucker for guilt trips. Something he was loathe to admit, but at least Haku was polite enough not to point out.

"Zabuza-san?"

Zabuza's head snapped up to the sound of Haku's voice. "Zabuza-san, I think I am ready."

"Let's see it," Zabuza said. Honestly he was a little curious, especially since Haku had never worn a kimono before.

There was a little orange lantern which had backlit the silk screen Haku was standing, and when she finally stepped out, Zabuza couldn't help but notice how the orange light flickered on her skin, or how the folds of her kimono draped softly around her body.

"Zabuza-san?" Haku said. Her hair fell in soft wisps about her face. "Is it to your liking?"

"Shit," Zabuza said. His mouth was dry. Haku smiled and softly took his hand.

xXx

.

Walking amongst the civilians in the middle of the night was pretty fucking disconcerting, at least from Zabuza's point of view. There was too much noise, too much commotion, too many fucking people smiling and laughing and lighting lanterns in the dusk. Beside him, Haku clutched his arm and looked up delighted at the different colors and the banners and the music. "Look," Haku said. She clutched his arm. "Fireworks."

Zabuza needed a drink.

At the bar, Zabuza downed another shot while Haku sat and smiled, happily soaking in the surroundings of the room. The bartender leaned forward. "That yours?" he asked. He motioned toward Haku.

Zabuza's eyes narrowed. "Back off," Zabuza said. The bartender raised his hands.

The doors swung open. Zabuza kept his eyes on his drink. The bar stool beside him sank; he felt a soft hand brush against his arm.

"Hey," the woman said. She was done up like a cheap whore. "Remember me?"

"Tch." Zabuza turned and tossed another shot. The woman leaned against him, gripping his arm.

"She's a pretty little lady," the woman said. "But can she show you a good time?"

"What's it to you?" Zabuza said. Behind him, Haku's shoulders hunched.

They left the bar in silence. Haku had stopped smiling. Zabuza glared.

"The fuck are you moping about?" Zabuza said. "I took you to this stupid festival, didn't I?"

"Yes, Zabuza-san."

Zabuza glared, then abruptly pulled Haku against his side.

Haku's eyes widened. Zabuza pressed a firm hand around her waist, irritated. "You're mine," Zabuza said. "Don't ever forget that."

"Yes, Zabuza-san."

Haku was happy again. Zabuza was pleased.

That night, Zabuza made sure he was gentle when he fucked her, gently peeling back the layers of fabric as he kissed her skin. Haku could take a pounding like the rest of them, but she wasn't a common whore. He covered her with his body, lying on his side and draping his arm protectively around her waist. She felt warm and good and Zabuza quietly traced the ridges of the scar on her chest, feeling the rise and fall of her breathing under his palm.

The next day, after she dragged him all over town, grabbing sweets and smiling like a goddamn china doll, Zabuza was shocked and more than a little surprised when Haku grabbed the bartender by the arm and twisted it behind his shoulder.

"He was leering at me," Haku said, and Zabuza never felt more proud.


	7. To Find a Home

.

.

It was only by chance that Sakura was standing at the city's edge, squinting her eyes and hugging herself in the cold. There was a peacekeeping mission at the western borders of the Fire Country, but with the rain and the cold, it was decided the mission could wait.

"Look," the border patrolman said, and Sakura squinted her eyes. In the distance, she could make out the figure of a woman stumbling forward, clothes tattered with a child in tow.

"She might need help," Sakura said, and swiftly she launched forward, pushing through the archway at the gate.

The woman stumbled. Sakura caught her by the arm. "Are you all right?" Sakura said.

The woman raised her eyes; soulful brown eyes and a soft sad mouth. Sakura stared.

"Haku?" Sakura said.

"Sakura...chan," she said.

She collapsed then, Sakura hefting her in her arms.

xXx

.

It was Haku all right; memories came flooding back to her as she worked by Haku's side. _He had thrown himself in front of Kakashi-sensei's chidori_, Sakura thought. Her chakra glowed softly, pulsating above Haku's chest. _He...he died._

Haku stirred. Beside them, the child clung to Haku's arm, staring at Sakura with wide wet eyes.

_"We have to go," Kakashi had said. Naruto and Sakura stared back at the two figures lying in the distance, the medic-nin's chakra pulsating over both of them. "We need to get Sasuke-kun to a doctor. They'll be fine, I promise."_

It was the last anybody had seen of Haku or Zabuza. Sakura had assumed they had both died. And Haku...

Sakura stared down again, face to face with Haku's women's clothes and swollen belly. Haku was a woman; more importantly, Haku was a woman with child. And what of Zabuza...?

Haku stirred; Sakura stopped her chakra and leaned forward. "Haku?"

Haku's eyelids fluttered. Slowly she took a breath. "Sakura?"

"Yes?," Sakura said. She pressed her hands to her knees and watched, worried. "What happened?"

"Hunter-nin," Haku said. "They killed Zabuza-san. I...I didn't know where else to go."

Beside them, the child began to cry. Slowly Haku rolled over, pressing a hand to the child's shoulder.

"Shh," Haku said. "Be strong, little one." The child wiped his eyes and buried his head against Haku's arm.

xXx

.

The story came slowly as Haku and Sakura journeyed back to the center of the city; how Haku had concealed her gender, and how Zabuza came to discover it that night at the bridge. "He was asking for me," Haku said. She held the child's hand. "The medic-nin said there was no young boy there, just the woman who was with him at the bridge. Zabuza-san was so confused...it took him completely by surprised. We had spent all those years together; he couldn't imagine me as anything else but his young apprentice."

"What happened?" Sakura asked. Haku smiled, then pressed a hand to her belly.

"Our children happened," Haku said, softly. Sakura nodded and watched quietly as Haku took the child by the arm.

They reached Sakura's apartment. Sakura unlocked the door.

"I actually just moved out of my parents' house a few months ago. I haven't had time to completely unpack - most of my junk is in the spare room, but we can move it out if you want."

"It should be fine," Haku said. Sakura stepped over and switched on the light. The room was small; a small desk with a small bed and a small bookcase in the corner. Boxes were stacked to the side, a testament to Sakura's innate organization skills. Haku quietly set down her gear, the child toddling beside her.

"How old is he?" Sakura asked. Haku smiled.

"He will be three this spring," Haku said. She rested a hand on her belly. "He will make a fine older brother. Zabuza-san..."

Haku's voice choked. She blinked her eyes, once, twice, then forced herself to continue. "Zabuza-san was always so proud of him," Haku said. Sakura nodded, wordlessly.

Beside them, the child tugged at Haku's leg. Haku stooped down, then picked the child up.

"Well, in any case, you two can stay here if you need," Sakura said. "I'll arrange a meeting with Tsunade-sama later this week; if you do decide to swear your allegiance to Konoha permanently, I have no problem vouching for you."

"Thank you," Haku said. Her eyes were dim.

Sakura frowned, then moved toward the door. "Get some rest," Sakura said.

"Thank you," Haku said. The child tugged Haku's sleeve and buried his face against her side.

xXx

.

Sakura woke to someone banging loudly on the door. "Oi! Sakura-chan!" Naruto was yelling hard enough for all of Konoha to hear. "Sakura-chan! Oi!"

More banging. Sakura stumbled forward, rubbing her eyes and unlocking the door.

Naruto was grinning; Sai was behind him, smiling his fake smile. "Kakashi-sensei said you found Haku!" Naruto said.

"Naruto! Can't you be more quiet for once?" Sakura said. Naruto ignored her and pushed inside.

"Haku!" Naruto said. He charged forward, grinning. "How are you? Where've you been? It's been forever! I thought you were dead! I-"

Naruto skidded to a full stop, coming face to face with a very pregnant Haku swaddled in a woman's robe.

Naruto's mouth split into a huge grin. "Hey, Haku! You've sure gotten fat, _dattebayo_!"

"Naruto, idiot, Haku is pregnant," Sakura said.

"I...huh?" Naruto squinted. "Ano...guys can have kids?"

"Haku is a _girl_, moron," Sakura hissed. Haku smiled.

"Naruto-kun, it is so nice to see you again," Haku said. Naruto stared, still confused, rubbing his head. "I apologize for the confusion. I had lied to you that day. I hope you can forgive me."

Naruto stared. And stared. And the little furrow in his brow deepened.

"Wait...so if Haku is a girl...then how did she get pregnant?"

Sakura rolled her eyes.

xXx

.

At the table, Sakura watched as Naruto babbled, completely oblivious to everything around him. He gestured wildly with his fork, telling stories of his exploits while Sai smiled his fake smile and Haku listened, politely. "This is so awesome, dattebayo!" Naruto said, grinning.

Behind them, something moved; the child had crept forward, watching them all with large brown eyes; Sakura was silently thankful that Naruto had enough sense not to ask about Zabuza.

"There was a shift in their regime," Sakura said. She lit a candle and placed it carefully on the table. "Sensei told me the bloodline purges have ended. The new Mizukage even has two bloodline limits. You could probably go home."

Haku's eyes dimmed. Her hand pressed against her belly, tight.

"Zabuza-san was killed by hunter nin," Haku said, softly. "Whatever home I had died with him."

Sakura watched quietly as Haku lifted up her child and put him to bed, before moving quietly to the open window above the courtyard. It reminded Sakura of Kuranai, that same sad strength she had the days after Asuma's death. Sakura frowned and watched as Haku touched the pane of glass, her reflection marred only by a subtle veil of frost.


	8. your heart is an empty room

_Author's note: this is a somewhat unrelated AU Zabuza/Haku gen-ish drabble that I had written where Zabuza survives, but Haku dies. I was going to post this separately as a different fic, but I figure this could be seen as an AU within an AU, if that makes any sense. Haku is referred as a male in here, since it's technically before the events of In You I See Stars. I just thought I'd include it here in this collection for completeness sake :)_

* * *

.

"He loved you!" The blonde kid was crying. "He loved you and you threw him away!"

Zabuza turned. Gatou leered quietly, leaning on his cane.

"Kid," Zabuza said. "Outta my way, before I kill you too."

xXx

.

The grave took two fucking hours to dig, mostly because the ground was frozen, but also because Zabuza's shoulder had been injured in the fight. He pulled a fucking muscle killing Gatou and his men, and even though Kakashi was there to help, it chaffed against Zabuza's pride. Fucking Konoha nin. The kids were the worst, sobbing and sniveling even though none of those brats knew Haku, none of them gave a shit, really. Zabuza didn't. Pretending otherwise just pissed him off.

Zabuza was alone when he started shoveling the dirt back in, big black clumps of it falling over Haku's face. There wasn't a sheet or anything to wrap the body, and even Zabuza had to get his bearings. "Shit," Zabuza said. He glared and shoveled harder, the orange sun setting behind the trees.

His body screamed fucking murder as Zabuza shoveled, the muscles in his arms aching like fire with even the slightest movement. Zabuza shoveled until Haku was completely buried, pushing aside that niggling nagging feeling that Haku was just asleep.

It was a fucking waste. Wasn't his fault Haku was a fucking moron, throwing himself in front of that man's chidori like that. All that training and for what? Zabuza was pissed.

Zabuza set his pack on the table, rubbing his neck and letting his sword lean heavily against the wall. Wordlessly, he picked up two wooden bowls and set them on the table.

Wait. Zabuza's eyes narrowed. He picked up the second bowl and set it aside.

Zabuza ate his rice standing up, shoveling the food quickly and staring out the window. Outside, civilian villagers were talking quietly amongst themselves; some were laughing. Zabuza turned, pulling the curtain shut and glancing at the last of Haku's things. A few scattered senbon; an old robe.

Zabuza finished his rice. He set the bowl down, then walked over to the corner. Haku's pink robe was there, folded neatly underneath his pack. Wordlessly, Zabuza packed up Haku's things, rolling the pink robe under his arm.

xXx

.

"Sir? How long do you think you'll be staying?"

Zabuza stared, stone-faced and silent, as the clerk at the desk fiddled nervously at the register. "There is a room available, but I am afraid it is only a single. I see that you've requested a double?"

Tch. Idiot. Force of fucking habit. He'd been with the kid too long.

"A single is fine," Zabuza said. The clerk nodded nervously and gave him the key.

In his room, Zabuza unpacked his things: a few kunai, a paring knife. The soft leather pouch of herbs Haku had picked a few days earlier. That gave Zabuza pause, because Zabuza never taught Haku anything about herbal medicine. Sometimes, when Zabuza would injure himself, Haku would sit by the dim light of the fire and grind up the leaves into a thick paste. He remembered how Haku would look, quietly applying the salve on Zabuza's cut and tying the bandages gently around them.

Well. Lot of good carrying this around, it wasn't as if Zabuza knew how to use it, anyway. He dumped the herbs into the trash, wiping his hands against his pants and rummaging through his pack. Haku's robe was there, rolled up tight and shoved into the corner. Zabuza yanked it up, then rubbed the fabric between his fingers. It felt soft from years of repeated washing, areas of it tattered and careworn. A strand of black hair curled around the fabric, and Zabuza was reminded of a memory, Haku's small hands and that subtle, silent hopeful look in his eyes. The kid was as love-starved as they come, and he lit up with every thoughtless pat on the head or nod of approval.

A tear dropped, then another, which soaked into the pink cloth and turned the wet spot dark.

Stupid kid. Fucking stupid-ass kid. Zabuza glared, ignoring the warmth behind his eyes.

Shit. Zabuza wiped his eyes, then shoved the robe back into his pack.

None of it mattered, anymore.


End file.
